Marriage was an important part of our society, as it is in all societies. Long ago, our people believed that each family needed a mother, a father and children. So, when a husband or wife died, the family encouraged another marriage. If a couple had no children, a nephew might be given to the family to be raised by them.

It was the custom to have early marriages. Girls were often married soon after they returned from the little house. Boys would marry soon after they got their manitou.

Marriages were often arranged. That is, the man would not ask the woman to marry him as it is done today. Instead, he would ask the girl's mother if he could marry the girl. Although there were changes in marriage customs, a form of arranged marriage was in effect until the early 1900's. A man would approach the girl's mother to ask if he could marry the daughter. The mother discussed this with the girl's father and the family. If they thought it was a suitable marriage, they would say yes. That meant the couple was engagement to be married. Women were not forced to marry anyone that they did not want to marry. But, they usually agreed to the marriage if the family thought it was a good marriage.

In later years, a family might discuss marriage between two young people and agree that such a marriage would be good. They might even make arrangements for the wedding. However, either the man or woman could refuse the marriage.

Sometimes when children were very young, even babies, parents might decide that they would be a good match. They would consider that this is an arranged marriage. Often when the children were adults, they would then marry each other as planned. We have stories told by our older Tahltans about how they were arranged to marry when they were children. In one case, the boy died as a young child. His mother always addressed the girl-child as "my daughter-in-law" even when the girl had grown up and was married.

Before the couple got married, the boy's mother's family gave gifts to the girl's family. The gifts were not to "pay for the girl", meaning that she was being sold. Bride gifts were part of our view that if someone gives you a gift, then you must give one in return. The girl's family was giving the boy's family the gift of their daughter. When the couple were married, the bride's family gave the couple gifts to match the amount paid by the man's parents.

By the 1900's, the custom of paying bride money had disappeared. Instead, the young couple was given gifts by both families. It was like having a "shower" for them. The young couple would start out with everything they needed to start a home.

Long ago, engagements lasted for some time: from a few months to as long as a year. During the engagement, the young man worked for the girl's family. He hunted for them, trapped, cut wood, and so on. In fact, during their marriage also, he would still take food to her parents and help them when they needed help. The young man spent most of his time at the home of the young woman, but he lived in his own house or in his parent's house.

In return, the young man was accepted into the family. He was fed and clothed (or, at least had moccasins sewn for him).

There was no great ceremony surrounding the marriage. At some date agreed upon by the parents, they met to discuss bride gifts. Bride gifts were usually furs, hides, or other things of value. When the bride gifts were delivered, a date for the wedding was set.

The actual wedding was carried out without ceremony. The bride's parents walked with her to the groom's parents' home. They left her there. The couple was officially married. The couple then went to his uncle's (or other relative) where they spent their honeymoon.

The bride gifts were given to her relatives. Her parents then gave the couple gifts that equaled the value of the bride gifts.

When the girl was married, she always wore her hair in a braid down her back. She took off her maturity necklace and put it away. She did not paint her face red, except for during ceremonies and feasts.

The young couple usually lived with the man's family. They might have their own house, or they might live in the large family home. She became part of his Family group. She still visited her own people often.

She did still belonged to her clan, and so did her children. If she was of the Wolf clan, then she and her children still were Wolf. If she had been from the Crow clan, then she and her children were still Crow.

If the husband died, his own children were heirs to his estate. The man's nephew was the heir. In the old days, the nephew must also marry his uncle's widow. Or another close relative of the man (such as his brother) could marry her. Sometimes, if the widow was much older than the nephew, he might have a second wife who was his age. (See Government for more information.)

If the husband or wife died, her children belonged to her clan. The children would go to her family and perhaps be raised by her sister. This was the ÒruleÓ, but the children often stayed with their mother if their father died. When a woman died, her children and her family were her heirs. They inherited her belongings when she died.

A woman was always considered to be the wife of first husband. Even if he died and she re-married, she was still spoken of as the wife of the first man.

If a couple split up and the family liked her, they would go and talk to her to try to get her to go back to her husband. If she respected and liked the family, she would go back.

Long ago, our men may have two wives. This was an advantage for the family. First, there was always much work to be done when people live on the land. Extra hands were welcomed. Secondly, if the wives were from different Family groups, then the husband had hunting rights in their Family area.

This was not common. Only wealthy men had more than one wife. It has been a very long time since our men had more than one wife.

Men, women, and children had different roles in the past. Elderly men and women took part in daily chores to the best of their strength and ability. Each person contributed to the workload in their own way.

Men were hunters, trappers, and did heavy work. They were responsible for keeping the family in meat, hides, and fur. Although the family traveled together, sometimes they could not. When men went without their families when they went high into the mountains to hunt, is one example.

Women raised children and "kept house". Her tasks included scraping and tanning hides, sewing all clothing, preparing and drying fish and meat, drying plants, making baskets, and cooking. Unmarried women and elderly women helped out as much as they could.

Children were great helpers. They began helping out when they were very young. They might help pick berries when they were four years old. As they got older, they were able to do more and more. An eight year old girl, for instance, might help care for toddlers. An eight year old boy would carry wood and water. Everyone "helped" willingly and cheerfully. Each person knew that their efforts were valued and welcomed